FxxxxxxK

If I were to punish few of those able to find this article I will simply cut your wires for a day—no LAN, No Wi-Fi No Mobile data and no neighbor’s Wi-Fi too!! And then even Google will not be able to bless you. You will be deprived of your mailbox, online shopping, business queries, stock markets, banking info and other essential information drones which find you before you ask for them actually. The torture does not end here as you will be off the Facebook too!

The most read book in the world “Facebook”, today also holds a distinction of the most spoken “F” letter word …second only to the most popular four letters! Since both end with K, to avoid any controversy I will use the most IN acronym “FB”. From social animals, human beings have become social media animals. We love the animation in the status updates, emotions in the pic uploaded and art in the mobile uploads. The word “Share” has a become viral, “ Like” means a  follower , “comment” is akin to plebiscite and friends can turn “unfriend” on a click and writing on somebody’s “wall” does not mean any revenue to paint industry! The FB is for sure mightier than FBI when it comes to information. It is in fact a live human encyclopedia ever expanding with “invites”.

I wonder on the myopic vision of Zuckerberg when he named it as “Facebook” it has off course overgrown its name and apart from face to toe it can feature any moment and sometimes every moment like a reality show. From trivial incidences to genuine injustice, you may vent out on the keyboard and broadcast to your friends..Everything can be punched “what’s on your mind?” Then there is a sublime pleasure in adulations. The joy of the “Likes” and “comments” is actually more than the emotion of the status updateà hundred percent of the times.

Humans forget and FB connects, life has become so easy. One has to work deliberately hard or extremely creative in justifying to skip “friend’s” birthday or anniversary .Everyone becomes viral on special days like B ’days in his “friend list” …“Timeline” speaks for you and it is actually gratifying to look back on each of the “comments” before wrapping the day, even if they are as short as “Hey HBD…”. Digital age, thus, keeps analog emotions flowing in the skeleton of community. A “notification” of “tagging” is worth visiting as it may bring lost memories alive!!

And then the “News feeds” thanks to over smart phones…no time is idle time. The screen is like a magical crystal ball and we can see so much of what others are doing. Actually there can be over smart phones too but any phone which can handle the data load of FB is a smart phone from utility point of view and hence, now I know why so many Chinese and Korean companies are making a huge draw on low cost handsets. Coming back to “News Feeds”, it is like virtual kitty parties without the pains of hospitality. A proven survey shows that those who read newspaper online on their handsets early morning also check FB with equal angst to supplement their bowel moments.

 While the geographies, the distances, the boundaries, the cultures, the time zones all melt into a status update, the best part of FB is the right to expression it gives to each and every individual. For somebody having a ‘Gobhi parantha and Chai@dhaba, on a fogged out highway” is a proud expression and some find solace in telling the “check in “ and “check out” at five star hotels only. Everybody can choose to be happy in their own way and express too! No wonder FB has inspired so many to join.

While you may continue adding new members in friends list, the caveats are very basic -remember to restore the ability to meet and interact in person after all we humans are much more than a virtual entry. Having a long list and no one by your side when you need is of little consequence. While we may continue wishing each other on festivals and special occasions it is essential we celebrate with full girth and not only pose for a mobile upload. When we go out on a vacation, we should enjoy every moment and capture memories in mind and soul, rather than scrambling for that picture perfect frame for those real time FB updates. If you do not upload your selfies does not mean you love yourself any less. It is also absolutely okay if you still love watching that sun set over a cup of tea or socializing at a common adda , than playing candy crush or farmville.

Oops how can I miss this! BTW you may continue stalking your exes too, without being visible in any visitor list….one thing which killed Orkut!!

Disclaimer: The author of the article suffers from amnesia who often forgets what he preach!

Upcoming Profile: My dog ZEUS / looking for a life partner…

Trampoline

This word would always prod images of some old generation medicines like Tetracycline or Asthalin whenever it occurred in younger circuits and remained a latent anxiety until Shaayan, my son brought it to fore on his fifth birthday. Looking at his new slated demand I immediately started sliding my fingers on Google with similar sounding contraband drug names blinking in my mind before android and Jelly Beans on my smart phone spilled the knowledge beans to something which I never ever thought. As a new generation dad my progressive belief was challenged as I was still anticipating the early year birthday gifts to be bicycle or a pair of skate’s types. With world getting flatter so aspirations have to be fatter, I realized.

The demand was registered in the family shopping cart, was subsequently presented to my better-half and then we became virtual navy seals sniffing out more info about this giant launching pad. Tired of being quizzed every morning emphatically by my son as if springing out of an unfinished dream, I promised him to get one soon with half open eyes and intent….the little one was already prancing in the dreams. On the cyber front what was clearly evident was the fact that India was starting to jump quiet late in the century where developed countries were already jumping for recreational or health reasons since a decade now. Good for health as a cardiovascular exercise, it also helps the kids to grow taller and muscular that too without   consuming or leaving any carbon footprints! A family sport with no effort at all like blithe daddy dancing, this eco-friendly equipment capable of wrestling all weather conditions in the open started catching my interest now.

With conviction which proved to be viral originating from my son now, I started getting Trampoline ‘shots’ quiet frequently; frequent enough to defy the rule of ‘SOS’ actually. My next door Gym got one for special needs in aerobic classes and calorie churning; I spotted one in DLF club where parents and kiddies were bouncing alike. Then the day care of my son recently acquired two of them to make children feet happy and light footed. The last spring in the decision of buying one was put on during our small weekend vacation to Jim Corbett where our resort had one trampoline and gave enough reasons to buy one as soon as possible. My rusted and overweight frame too could explore the child within me and bounce like a crazy ball. We could not hunt the big cat at Jim Corbett with our SLR but were still happy to be hunted on new found bounce in our lives.

The apartment we live in posed an initial challenge in our attempt to figure out a space for placing the Trampoline until we met Mr Chhabra of “You Luv Sports” who consoled our quest with different sizes available in his catalogue to help the “carpet area” challenged like us. The delivery was promised instant and the pocket also was happy to accommodate the bounce relatively much easier than what others were posing. Thankfully, it did not cost tall enough to cut down on the birthday celebrations and we could go ahead with a decent birthday bash too as a ritual!. The deal was signed and bounceignmnet delivered a day before Shaayan’s birthday, while he was fast asleep, the equipment was unfolded and assembled with all the safety gears to perfection.

The morning proved out to be eventful in true sense as the news spread in the apartment’s kids’ ring about this new jazz and more and more feet joined to make it a special day for my kid. The evening was also happening as kids hit the bouncing mat singing the birthday song to glory and without vandalizing the toy room of my son J.

And we jump happily ever since….actually speaking now I realize the crest and trough in Shaayan’s DOB 08-08-08. He always had a hidden bounce!!

I wish best of luck to Mr Chhabra in his noble mission to spread the trumpet of Trampoline in India. It can help reduce the bouncing paunch of so many fellow beer-i-zens. As a forerunner I chose it as my election campaign symbol if ever I launch “aam bacchha party”.

La Canine Affair

Every morning when my dog pulls me out for a walk, I try to question if I am taking him for a walk or he is the one taking me for a run knowing well my affair with butter chicken and extra kilos on my body…reasoning apart one of the simplest pleasures in life is for sure - a dog walk!  To put it in a ‘kennel’, having a dog as a part of the family is simply great. They keep you happily engaged and tickle your emotions, give no reason to be less of a human even a single day and don’t care if you had a late party last night. All they need is your attention (in full innocence) and all they give back from their round button eyes and moist noses is undiluted love. Good that they can’t speak as they are blessed with a superior device - an invisible router to keep everybody in the family connected on its woof-woof network 24X7 and with no rental charges! Complimenting this device, however, there is also a canine translator to human emotions which make them an astute follower of your mood swings and the real dog lovers may swear by the way their pooches twitch their ears in combination with tail when you get back from work- sometimes stressed and sometimes simply exhausted…a happy pooch fixes it all!

I wonder how many animals our ancestors  would have tried  to finally declare Dog as man’s best friend but today these four legged are more than just friends and increasingly being welcome by more and more families to  put a spindle in their emotional wheel which otherwise has spins less in fast and virtual world. Try remembering when you last saw a plaque card on the house front saying “Beware of Dog”….there are very few left actually. One, the dogs are no more used for hunting or guard reasons, primarily they are adopted as extended family members and secondly it is assumed by all dog owners in their full rights that all guests will love their dogs the same way as they do,,,Ummm over cautious guests are a difficult lot …actually in that case we anyways don’t manage our dog, we manage our guests  ;-) !

Good that over the ages, modernization has not hit the canine kingdom, as I can’t imagine chatting online with my “Zeus” and following him on Twitter or Facebook . There is no replacement to the raw and earthy feel of your Pluto licking and cuddling you all over and whining to get more out of you. They just need to be around you, be it summer, winter or rains and you feel strangely comforted within yourself when you provide simple comforts to your dog. Especially winters, when they snug in your quilts and you allow them, as the savior in you takes over and more importantly you also enjoy the warmth and aroma of your dog, isn’t it? We love the playful biting in their puppyhood even forgive the brat for brushing his jaws with most expensive furniture, footwear or mobile phone and sometimes undergarments too. All doggy homes are blessed with such furniture turning into Tiger scratch marks with a story behind.

Human beings are an evolving lot and so have they in their canine affair too. A puppy brought in a home soon becomes an eye candy and you only grow fonder and fonder with time. You fix up a reliable vet first, then a good dog food each promising so much content to make him a poster dog, vaccinations and then exhaustive grooming sessions. In the evolved stage if your “dog really has his day” you may treat your poodle with elaborative spas, massages, pool and hair cut ! Some dogs are born with silver bowls otherwise an Aam Admi  will run for a champi after paying for spiritual salvation of your Tuffy ! Needless to say, the backbone of any canine affair is simple love and affection of family members who owe it. An occasional doggy treat to fire his taste buds is a must. A happy Roxy will be probably the most well behaved Roxy.

While every proud dog owner has full right to exercise his PDA (public display of affection) however, the modern day community living will surely dampen your display there. The most important command to be taught should be “HOLD”. Then use it instinctively in elevators, common areas, walking alleys till you are out of gate so that you don’t get uneasy paying a fine while the dog is easing himself clueless of the cost involved.  

My canine affair dates back to my childhood where my family supported it fully and being a proud dog owner of one year old lovely boy Zeus, still I have a wish list to make this world more canine friendly:

·         Picnic spots where we can go with our family and extended family.

·         Open air restaurants for enjoying long drive and food together.

·         Highway hotels where we can stay without worrying about the left behind soul.

·         Beaches allowing dogs along with their owner families

·         Free supply of dog biscuits and dog food (now I am getting too ambitious…two woofs for that!!)

And finally few pubs in the city to make the experience “shaken” and not only “stirred”

Maids are made in Heaven !

The discovery of maids can be traced back in the dusk of antiquity and royal vintage but the present day mass adoption was never projected or thought over by then. A journey from luxury to necessity is now almost a lifeline for career pursuing couples and families. For those already acquainted with the cocaine of dependence know I am talking about your ‘Full Time Maid”. The world which is growing flat in boundaries and weak on relationships the presence of maid in effected lives has found new grounds and meaning. Names fade in the memory year on year but thankfully if you are lucky you have one always working for your homes and making you work harder to pay her with hefty annual charges and burgeoning broker commissions…and don’t compare your salary increment with their annual hikes they are bound to inch ahead in %  . One of the few situations where you will convince yourself happily every year for hasty negotiations made to get her home quickly and hoodwink the expense under generic and all pervasive “Mehengai”. So if you have found a good wife be chivalrous and prompt to also find a good maid for your homemaker every year and year on year. Remember your wife is a homemaker your maid is the home keeper!!  

If you happen to be a DINK or a DIK then I am sure the full time maids take you a hostage physically and emotionally at least once annually. A day without them, and you turn anchorless in your own house. The absence strikes hard enough to ground the entire day calendar with ever dreaded tasks of cleaning, dusting,wiping.washing, utensils, clothes and also food after few home delivery attempts. You may avoid few understanding guests or friends get together at your place but living with the vacuum of a maid cuts much more than visible to outside world. The frugal life begins subconsciously and along with it you continue with vigorous sniffing attempts for searching an ideal maid or any maid as the case may be depending how desperate you are to pass on the monkey which you don’t know how to handle- ghar ka kaam !

Available in three variants (in order of their tax free take home ) Fully Trained/Semi Trained/ Untrained the demographics may further vary and may ultimately lose significance after couple of maids have played a successful term from your tax paid take home. While you may closely count the number of maids archived in your growing kids age the list is bound to go endless for the remaining part of your life as well…Once made always a MAID ! The memories and faces fade in the roster of different names and accordingly these maids also adapt to the new homes/contracts like a human robot. Gone are the days when “Bahadur” was bahadur enough to manage your security and housekeeping or ‘Ramu’ was as obedient as ‘Ram’. Bahadurs & Ramus are dinosaured now in the Big Bang which brought with it a bigger Evolution of MAIDKIND! The new species is more presentable but deceptive in their looks as against the utility quotient with use of brain limited to money matters. These are usually found in front of TV, in balcony or chatting on mobile through ear phone. Their ears are programmed to turn deaf if you are shouting at them else body goes into a freeze state with all the functions ‘switching off’.    

Actually speaking the importance of Maid in one’s life is realized not in her presence ( as we keep consoling ourselves with remaining tenure) but in her absence. The mammoth exercise of calling the maid agencies which generally goes unanswered at worst or ends up with a promise of next 15 days at best is a standard protocol…you may not miss much in both cases anyways as you are only preparing yourself to pay almost double than your last maid had cost you. The only thing which keeps you hooked on to your search is the enormity of Indian population and promises of maid agencies of some strange scarcity of such manpower globally!

India is a secular democracy and these Maids are living examples of uniting a diverse country as India. As long as she is able to take a note of tasks and make your kid understand the stuff she is accepted. Clothes, food, religion, rituals are adopted eventually every time in a new contract within a year. The rootless cannot be called ruthless though as you do stand a fair chance of extending the contract for another year and have a feeling of a PPO(Pre Placement Offer in your graduation ) by a top MNC to set you free of all the anxiety and horror stories of living without one. You got to be really lucky and  adjust your time table accordingly to give a her a complete work life balance if want a PPO……don’t get panic if she does not return after a day of X mas holiday…pray for her return instead and be good to her !!

Infact, our employee friendly companies can be still friendlier to incorporate standard MAID policy like HRA…as inflation does not hit anything else the way it hits their annual charges which should be tax free. This will be good initiative for their CSR activities earning some social brownies and will lure good employees to employers having good maids as their assets!! No joking but companies should also run regional culinary courses to train the maids of eligible employees as he has full right to enjoy homemade “Gajar ka halwa “ or “Pasta Arabiatta” if they have been devoid after they left their mamma’s home- try imagining the prosperity and happiness it will bring in employees !! After all happiness is a state of mind and mind have deep roots in man’s tummy. The greedier ones like me however, would like to have a clause added in their joining offers- additional leaves to be allowed ‘Maid adjustment days’ leaves.

Just got an sms saying:

All good things in life start from M- Mother, Money, Moon, Mercedes, Marijuana, Mermaid and MAID

Way Forward:

*Stay hooked for a mobile app on maid keeping tips and GPS based advance search options !!

*May also follow with a centralized call centre for troubleshooting and handling their placement agencies ….hope Ambanis are not reading this secret business idea of mine !

 

After all “Maids are made in heaven and someone somewhere is made for your home also – next year. Till then enjoy the term!

Gift !

                                                              I still remember the iambic parameters of Macavity Macavity there is no one like Macavity..from my school days Now I say Santa Claus Santa Claus there is no one like Santa Claus. With due reverence to both I am equally fetish to demystify the mystery cat or a Gift cart. Like the mystery of the hidden paw the hunt for a perfect gift never ends and no wonder how the gift turns out to be the truth is even a thought of it cradles your imagination with subtle winds of desires …while we open the gift wrap we all tend to task our intelligence and experience to derive at the expectation using the complex matrix of weight, volume and rattle of the box if possible!

Google reads GIFT as: God is in favor of me today

Sounds absolutely wholesome acronym for the one being blessed with a gift but incidentally the person giving the gift is not as lucky  as he is challenged by the aptness  of a delightful and yet a meaningful gift. The problem is not in swiping the card at the gift shop but to swipe the brain and time to find a gift which truly elates the recipient like the child hood pocket money or an elderly with a new set of teeth! We meet more often on facebook in today’s era and succumb slowly to the tapping of the keyboard or recycled forward messages on all worthy occasions! We are the most connected lot of mankind in the history but the web of connection is perhaps the weakest. We struggle not to choose a gift but to know the recipient more closely.

Blame it on the onslaught of consumerism or apple-i-zation of this world, in a given social strata everyone has got everything if he has Visa-Master for credit card and some EMIs to keep the bank account slicing  every month. Coupled by this we know so many people virtually thru 14’’ screens that we hardly know the configuration of a real life relationship. Past was actually glorious where mind were etched but toady even a digital reminder fails to muster the effort in us for buying a gift for the closest ones. We give extra diligence to planning a gift but seldom attempt to lay the final bridge for action…Macavity Macavity there is no one like Macavity !

Childhood birthdays used to be a jamboree of gifts and that actually conditioned our brains to salivate in imagination the moment we receive or think of a gift. The bonding with the classmates in early school was also cemented by numerous pen sets, birthday cards and unlimited visits to the limited Archies Galleries until gifts grew up with age for a more eventful purpose in youth to woe the girlfriends. And it was a carnival of gifts then, I am sure no man worth his salt will ever try to regret the effort and money- spent, borrowed or buried….Gifts did a lot of talking then!

The other half of the life with your better half requires wealth to gift something as exotic as an island itself or Saif Kareena type paparazzi to stand tall in the crowd at least that is what most of us think . But factually GIFTS are a beautiful creation of mankind to keep the dice rolling in a relationship without having to spend a bomb. The thought multiplied by timely action will always result in a meaningful reaction and here the thought is priceless which we ignore in the chase of a material gift. Even if we cover up our failure on action by a roadside flower bouquet…trust me it will not go waste. The bigger irony is to identify and acknowledge the set of people other than your kids who bear a rightful expectation of being gifted occasionally including your parents where the mystery cat has struck long back….Macavity Macavity there is no one like Macavity !

Corollary of the above situation is that Gifting today is an industry. Corporate Gifts, Business Gifts , Political Gifts , Marriage Gifts , Festival Gifts and coupled by the multitude of uneventful occasions like friendship day or any other marketers’  day we end up receiving gifts only to be forwarded to  worthy recipients later. It is not a fact to challenge that we receive more gifts than we actually gift to someone meaningfully and hence keep ourselves straining on the chords of connect which could otherwise be tuned so easily. Now that I have spoken so much I am feeling being hard struck by the mystery cat too….Macavity Macavity there is no one like Macavity

GIFT THEOREM: Invest largely in money markets, spend generously and frequently in relationships….Please start gifting me!

Purani Jeans

For all those who have been blessed to have undergone the divine ritual “College Hostel Ragging” would swear upon the sagas and legends of a different world in the confines of the college boundary. A difference of as little over a year in your age created those academic demons called “seniors” or “Super seniors” if consistently not performing academically! In our Indian technical institutes the whole process for baptism of the FACHHAS happens very technically. Barring few incidences which provoked an uncontrollable laugh from the guts everything seemed tough on mind, body and some body parts. And now even after so many donkey years one can jauntily  topple  any memory stone  to relive the past out from that shared small room with separate beddings and trunks (with a  lock!) .

In the whole sequence there was one piece of attire which created a feeling of envy amongst such fear was a “pair of jeans”. Seniors flaunted it and fresher kept craving till the debut tenure was over. Going forward this jean became a pivotal part of the hostel life under the perennial infrastructure lapse of laundry and iron. Movies, canteen, gumti, dhaba dinners, booze trips, Goa trips and off course sometimes classrooms too! All became instrumental in keeping us busy without business thru the year with a common companion “your sturdy pair of jeans”. It ultimately became the second skin allowing us the luxury of getting washed at pure will or vacation.  

After shedding my denim dermis at work since so many years now, the only word which can best describe the feeling of wearing a pair of jeans is “Liberated”. It is for sure a RESET button for all salary slaves as it spins you into casual, relax and still a very confident frame. Designed actually for American miners at work the denim trouser has found its rivet hooked into everybody’s wardrobe in more count than one. Look around, on your office floor on a Friday and you will be hit by a mammoth denim wave, widespread and BLUE” Like school days are reminiscent of discipline and uniform JEANS over the years have always stood by to reclaim your FREEDOM!

Actually speaking , this is one attire which sometimes lasts more than friends or people in our lives…..you discard it only when you outgrow it’s length in youth or waist in adopted youth. Enduring all weather conditions, cutting across the social barrier, this water and detergent phobic garment is a true adhesive for international bonding, water and energy conservation. The seduction grows with the older ones in your collection, the faded the worn out and torn outs all become fad  as they continue hugging you gently telling a lie until you find your self over sized in the new pair of same brand and same size.

Adam, Newton and Steve Jobs may owe due credits to their apple but human genes stand debt-ed to Jeans, with almost every brand claiming as original since 18XX it is an awful sin to miss such a legacy. The effort of finding exact W/L combo is only foreplay to a loyal affair where you may not even care whether you should have a figure like TOMMY or money like ARMANI. Lesser mortals like me feel all empowered to stand with a good fitting blue pair of legs against any TAG or HUER…..

We Indians are already therein the Tsunami of a fabric, after Arvind mills became the largest manufacturer of denim in the world our bigger bhai Ambani is all set to drape you in Rs 199 only! But you cannot run to swipe the card without finding a silent yet eloquent or expressive answer to your wife’s question outside the green room “Do I look fat in this Jeans??”

Repair

In this mortal word the only thing immortal in Indian context is “Repairs”. You might have missed a glimpse of a few thousand Indian deities but “repair” will spy you out before you would actually miss them on a perfect weekend. In fact today, grahastha ashram is incomplete without a weekly a sortie to a nearby repair shop. While the technology of the household appliances or gadgets have changed manifold what remains to change is the degree of freedom from the burgeoning pressure of the repair on the household. It is perennial; it does not follow any pattern and occurs most likely in the tough months when you are planning to save few thousand bucks in your kitty.

In India, we are groomed to repair things and postpone fresh buys. The childhood mochi’ , who can fix any footwear is the kind of cheap band-aid we look for every household repair. The old iron in the house, the toaster, the heater, the electric kettle, pressure cooker, washing machine, refrigerator, TV, AC are all an equal contestant in the race to seek undivided attention from  the household lady or the gentle men appointed or sucked in out of no choice for such ordeals.

The mutiny of these household repairs is well coordinated generally, the day you decide to do away with only a plumber the electrician comes as a combo sachet. And these are real expensive resources for people living in a metro and that too in a high rise. The higher the address the dearer the repair is. You may plan to do away with these ultra skilled resources within few minutes but their short visit is bound to eat your entire bandwidth for the day. Their visit is accustomed with follow up calls for their arrival and even if you start tracking them by a geo satellite their 10 -15 minutes timeline is bound to soar your blood pressure. And before your money could actually buy your peace of mind they are booked for another call…thanks to the mobile phones rather thanks to China for cultivating such a mobile harvest.

The call centre for little more expensive repairs give solace on  phone but the last mile support extended at your doorstep relives the trauma and you suddenly realize the harmony in diversity. Warranty/out of warranty/available/not available on weekends/original receipt/stamp on warranty card etc steal all the glamour and prepare you for the repair. After all is done, forget Anna Hazare for a moment, tip them a bit and they assure you of a personalized service on a phone call outside company records with genuine spares. The quality of spare parts should not raise a doubt since we are all time strapped and we pay for our convenience. Imagine the odds of leaving your dear mobile phone for week in organized service centre vs “yahan sabhi mobile repair hote hain “ and with all the assurance of a job neatly done….enticing!!

India, I think badly need crush yards to reduce the negative chi of the households. Old cars are sometimes more expensive to park than their net worth but keep on hogging the parking lot and also the repair shops. Gone are the days of a single TV set in the house I am sure the extra one in the house with extra small screen 21” can be donated to someone who will welcome it like an LED TV. So apart from old clothes we should periodically donate old appliances to stay afloat of otherwise frequent repairs.  Anyways, all this requires a bigger kind of repair I don’t know who will fix it as the world economy is itself seeking a big time repair.

Hence, in my small household affair I don’t feel alienated now, running around and fixing small tap leakages as everything else on a macro level is awaiting a DNA repair. The inflation, the interest rates , the fuel prices , sensex, salaries ..etc all paint some kind of non repairable canvas currently. Hence, time to re-pair your energies, feel proud and start gifting tool kit to your dearest colleague or friend to let them participate in THE REPAIR!

Someone also gift me few spa vouchers….for a full body repair!

Storming the TEA CUP!

The incessant chants   of   “Chaiii –Chai” with a peculiar blend of throw and pull transpose your mind to a journey and nostalgia. The tea vendors with their stall on feet have become the heart beat of Indian railway stations. The Indian addiction to this magical leaf is perhaps beyond the confines of geography and states. A cross country raid will fetch you similar constituents primarily, being presented in variety of ways. Kashmir will give you a Karha , Maharashtra will give you cutting Gujarat and Rajasthan their masal chai  , Punjab will give you malia marke, Assam gives you the best of aromatic chai and tribal will give you a kulladh chai. “Atithi Devo Bhava” and offering the guest with some homemade Tea is the most prevalent courtesy protocol in India.

India, as a country is a gifted drawing board painted with tremendous diversities in cuisine, clothes, languages, religion, architecture, landscape etc and still stands tall as a single unified nation with largest democracy and largest TEA producing statistics in the world. A simple and basic blend of hot water, milk, sugar and tea leaves cuts across the state boundaries leaving behind a common binding taste of national unity. Any sign of human settlement is mile stoned by a shack of chaiwala in the hinterland. These tea stalls however are not just a tea dispensing machine but a localized social hub where one can kill the stress sitting on the wooden bench learning a tip or two on country’s political landscape and inflation too.

Equally interesting is to note the multitude ways in which we communicate with a cup of Tea. A morning tea is supposed to be biological in chemical property to trigger the inner bowels, the newspaper tea blends with the aromatic print to jet set your mind for info accommodation, the breakfast tea wraps your breakfast and office time - tea breaks improve your general awareness on appraisals, resignations, property and increments. Be it a corner room meeting, annual budget planning, month start planning, conference, training room..a cup of TEA gives a sense of tranquility and direction for “out of the cup” thinking. High profile business meetings in corporate colloquial are a HIGH TEA.

The demographic connotation of Tea consumption also draws its parallels in the society. The young and charming sip on a trendy Ice tea, the women of today love to experiment with herbal tea , the black suited apple-ised and Tablet crowd goes for black tea and those belonging to the top notch strata (sans of all poverty) call it Power tea. With the onslaught of globalization and cappuccinos however, the basic construct of a cup of tea and its mass appeal remains relatively unshaken. The charisma of the age old formula of TEA lies in the fact that a cup of tea in whatever form still seduces you successfully to sail through time as long as you can sit over a cup of tea .For most of us, it is a physical break for various body faculties but mind runs high on caffeine and that too at a minimal cost. I still have to think hard where I have left a cup of tea for not liking the taste as my tongue happens to be only one part in the overall experience!

Enough said for tea and nothing for Tetley, the largest brand of Tea in the international market. Thanks to Mr. Ratan Tata for bringing the Britain ki Chai to our aam aadmi in India. We may sit in best of the lounges of multi star hotels but will never forget the enduring taste of Chai and Biscuit (yes the dipped one) and chai pakoda during monsoons or Chai with stuffed paratha in dhaba ishtyle!

We are indeed a cricketing nation (it also has a Tea Break!)

Storming the TEA CUP!

Dil Dhoondta Hai

The children of today are an evolving lot and so is the childhood. The “Childhood" which you and I remember in images is of long vacations with grandparents and callous freedom all through. However, in the last three decades of my cerebral archives I have seen the metamorphic changes our lifestyles have brought in the courtship journey to the real life. A childhood essentially in the grandparent’s house, pampered with pheriwalas, grandma stories, mosquitoes, power cuts, no television shows to decide the order of the day, bunch of cousins to celebrate festivals, sneaking in the afternoon to pluck mangoes, playing in sand pebbles, flying kite on the neighbor’s roof have all become a thing of fossil now.

The schools in those days had water, which was never mineral instead the hand pump in the playing field throwing out sand with water was the real thirst quencher. The school bus was there but childhood meant flocking together to school on a rickshaw with a wooden bench and a corner seat to fight for. The pocket money was never an easy task to get but spending to buy an orange bar, kahtta meetha churan, imli or sugarcane juice was a luxury. Playing football in the scorching sun, rain or winters not only built the endurance but also preponed the purchase of a new BATA shoe before we could outgrow them. Saturday meant after school cricket match and Sunday meant an early morning cricket match with a ritual of collecting everybody door to door and then playing till dead tired. Galli cricket taught us ultimate maneuvering skills, every time I broke a window pane and learning to ride a bicycle was a total adventure.

The classroom meant two fans, few windows, and a blackboard with lots of fight ammunition as chalk pieces, studious front benchers, naughty back benchers and a teacher who was sent to this Earth to cane you at the drop of a hat. Punishments were like a tough commando training and every muscle and bone had it’s trials with stick or fatigue. The academics were a core part of your overall fame quotient in school and family but still struggling for other interests was like an entrepreneur. Childhood with bicycles and black and white television had more excitement and passion than today’s diverse resource may offer. Mowgli, Tainali Rama, Vikram aur Vetal,Vyomkesh Bakshi still kindle the memory lanes with their typical aura and simplicity.

What we give today is not less by any standards and abilities but somewhere in the effort to strike a balance with time and emotions we, ironically end up buying a video camera instead of a still camera. We spend more money for the convenience of recording the complete sequence where as the beauty lies in watching the moment only in frames. Similarly, I somehow feel the strong urge to restore the semi infrastructure of the modern schools to prepare the new generation for a real life which is full of inadequacy. There has to be no compromise in keeping the curriculum as contemporary as possible but to create the real life experience with tolerable reality bites is a must.

Actually speaking, the rate at which the population is growing demands lot of support from the government. Even if I don’t talk about universal government schools like abroad, hassle free admissions to schools, free education the least I will expect my government is to provide a playground in very locality. And I am not talking about the green belts or parks which are mementos of the private builders or DDAs ( no plucking flowers or no sports types) but meaningful play grounds for our children to run, play an grow!

While the Internet has melted the entire info bank into ctrl C+ Ctrl V it is devoid of that arduous effort of struggling with typically redolent book shelves to actually hunt for the right pick or pinch the relevant pages clinically sometimes as a team work with your best buddy!  Similarly, virtual games have dynasaured the era of vish amrit, kabaddi, chor sipahi, langri taang, gend taadi and many more.  You feel good when your kid calls up your mobile in the evening to confirm your expected time….but imagine our father’s found us waiting at the door with our moms even when we had no landlines forget mobile phones…

Dil dhoondta hai…!

My Old Lady

Emotions swell high the moment you start haggling price for selling this old lady to a new owner. The memories flash like a power point in the mind and suddenly this old lady becomes revered enough, for any conspiracy against it. Luck, marriage, career, children, romantic drives, long drives, festivals all stand tall and archived on faded and not so agile frame of the old lady today. The brand and year of model play pivotal role in the negotiation for a resale but what goes beyond fixing a price, is the exhilaration and thrill this old lady has brought you fore, time and again when she was young and smooth like a mango slice!

The rich aroma of a new car cabin, with poly-ethened seats were a welcome souvenir for a long time inside the car  and every traffic jam was frightening not because it was a gridlock of energy and time, but it made my new lady to rub really close with rest of the traffic which often teamed up in all sizes and tried to scratch my lady from different angles. And what a painful experience it was to witness the first scratch on the glistening charm. It took me couple of days to get used to that faint scratch but at that time it became the only thing I noticed about the lady after fuel tank needle and tyre pressure, convincing myself every time with the power of blackmagic- Nazarbattu!....will prevent more such occurrences.

The lady was a killer with looks and snob value when I bought it after being declared as credit worthy for the first time in my life, the interiors which today look straight and jaded oozed out luxury and style. The odometer rolled like a clock beaconing me every time to the service centre before the due milestone. To add supplements to the good health of the lady I never hesitated initially to pamper her with premium quality petrol or sometimes extra premium from one particular fuel station. Every new accessory from seat covers to music system was only finalized after the same has been spotted in majority of it’s siblings in the various parking lots.

The lady which rolled out of the showroom with color consent of the lady love, was ribbon clad on bonnet and garlanded on steering wheel. It was further baptized by Panditji and his Asian paint teeka enduring couple of initial car washes to ward off the evil eye! That day, everybody zipping ahead of my lady looked like a maniac to me and the ones left behind were like morons! The upgrades like central locking, gear lock which today come as standard accessories where picked up without a second thought to make me comfortable in the parking lots of the mall with the luxury of remote lock/unlock sound declaring the arrival or departure like a whistling train. Even after parking it with utmost care, I never missed a second glance after walking few steps ahead to ensure the car has not disappeared or needs relocation.

Together, we were a great force to reckon with. I don’t remember backing out of any terrain or distance because my lady could not negotiate the challenge, we overcame them all. Time flew by and the family also grew putting forward fresh needs. Today, more spacious, more curvaceous, more intelligent, more fuel efficient cars have taken on the road. The problem of maintaining the vintage is the cost at what it comes. Gradually, you reach a point where servicing this lady would become one fifth of the depreciated value. What seemed like a bundled offer for your life time starts getting second attention in front of the more eligible set of wheels you buy to keep yourself contemporary? The new lady evokes similar feelings and behavior but obviously the degree of emotions dilute. The OLD LADY still rules the roost of your heart and mind. The make and brand were only means to categorize it with similar ones on the road but somehow I know for sure, the particular car I had was the best one ever produced from that make and it landed up with me!

My sweet OLD LADY!!

DL3CAD 2298 Wagon R

Mobile Mania

Ever heard about the most read book in this world, well before you race your mind through labyrinth of a library, the answer is THE Mighty Phone Book! And it is not just the most read but the most treasured also for quiet a few. I can count the number of times out of my few million days of life (including several rebirths) where I accidentally stepped out of the house without being mobile enabled! Not because my mathematics is limited but I cannot dare to saunter alone without my mobile. Mobile these days is a lifeline and as a standard gear, everyday before I hit the road I only check for three things the car keys, wallet and the most important my mobile. The fact is, most of the times only a mobile can take you to places alone!

Bluetooth, GPRS, PTT are just few of the ammunitions which make you feel smart like a stealth bomber  and their power can only be realized once you allow your mobile to talk to its own peers like it does for you. Then comes the soaring fixation for forwarded smses which suddenly pops you up into splits even when a dinosaur is in front of you. Festivals and national festivals feel incomplete unless you receive a critical load of forwarded messages enough to make your thumb and fingers little stronger for same time next year. We might not reply to all the messages but strangely remember who did not spent 50p for you. Somehow, the enigmatic smses on festivals prove to be more comforting than meeting few of the senders in your drawing room as you skip the extra effort to smile, to dress and then increase the calorie count with ghujias or katlis .

As North Star guides this planet, these mobile devices are a true indicator of life and habitat. If your handset shows full strength signals you can be sure that you are in the thick of human settlement around, it starts diminishing as you move away from the heart of the city. Mankind feels so secure as long as they are in the network resorts of these mobile companies and any fluctuation in the signal strength provokes the horrors of isolation and uncountable opportunities to connect. The only reason perhaps, that we collectively ignore the air hostess instructions with all the impunity even when the aircraft is negotiating with the hangover of being air borne.

Actually in a day, this little device draws a trajectory for each member in your family. As a user, you will look ten times at your handset like a nurse in a cradle if one fine day the frequency of incoming calls is measurably low; the spouses will inspect all the incoming and outgoing communications like a daily sales report and kids while playing the games will finally discover the non veg in the jokes or might also do a casting couch on papas favorite video. And if you happen to be a blue blooded blackberry boy, then parents will have all the reasons for missing your undivided attention.

Call it a tech toy, gadget guru, status symbol or fashion statement this handheld device is getting smaller in size but bigger in role. All the Canons and Nikons of the world will swear by the pin hole they live on, for the crater this compact gadget burns in their pocket every time the shutter snaps with flash, mega pixels and truck loads of memory, from this convergence device. Even in the lowest categories it has overpowered pocket FM radios and alarm clocks. In fact, the census profiling by the home ministry would be more authentic if included with the Model No of the handset .The demographic divide in India will have a more comprehensive strata as Chinese, No Nokia, Nokia, Blackebrry/Android and Tablet users .

Airport lobbies, five star lounges, railway platforms, conference rooms, office receptions would have conspired together to suggest me a name like mobile mania after accessing  the pull quotient of the device. If nothing official, face book and twitter keep you glued to your contacts and help kill time socially! No one can ever imagine the complex web we are heading with dual sim and triple sim handsets but as far as these telecom companies keep on promising the pinnacle of power and entertainment we as a common man have nothing left but to drool

Kar Lo Duniya Mutthi Main

Ab meri bari hai

Move On

Express Yourself

And my favorite “ An Idea Can Change your Life” ( Being an ex Idean myself).

And as an enticing pill 3g is on the way guys...Be aware!

Sale!!

The newspaper in spouse’s hand, in general, is the prime source of instigating this latent desire of shopping in MANkind. ‘Limited period’ nature of the offer further pushes you to participate in hordes along with fellow cityzens with similar agenda during this time of the year! The omnipresent loud printed feeds of 30% and up to 70% discount fuel your appetite to drape yourself in choicest of brands. The world seems to be an inviting mall and as mind always thinks in pictures we start visualizing ourselves akin to favorite look which sometimes the bear belly or sometimes the pocket does not allow, but the thought of a sale surely stimulates the dormant mirror affair we enjoyed in our teenage and pokes you for a re jig of your wardrobe.

Love is not the only glue between human beings but shopping IS. The magnetism is quiet evident as you fall in queue bumper to bumper at the entrance of the mall. The life size hoardings giving complex BODMAS of freebies defuse you sense of differentiation but somehow the wives I have felt have better nerves to remember and decode the formula something got to do with Mars and Venus theory I guess! Parking at this time of the year is the scarcest commodity and having done that the mind further starts seducing your credit card as you see branded shopping bags held like bouquets by your fellow cityzens.

Confusion becomes the mentor of desire and the one shop where the entire city is jostling its elbows triggers the Me Too! Needless to say you will not find exactly what you wanted but be ready to put an extra effort for a re visit on a weekday as the size and color you ever wanted is just short of one piece especially for you! Once out of this shop you head to gun down a still better brand to quench the rising levels of adrenalin. Good things attract good effort and hence you are undeterred by the long waiting queue for the trial room. By this time, the swelling crowd in the mall running berserk for shopping, glides you to the extremes of your budgets and you may think it to be too obvious to stretch as the world is running short of pure goodies(on discount)!

Shopping for that aspiring pair of jeans or spouses saree, during Sale is like a treasure hunt with no clues at all, and on the mission like a hermit you tend to pick all that you never wanted. Brands in your hands make you feel happy and the calculator in the mobile and your brain goes on a sleep mode as you know you that this season you can afford to buy more than you bought last year! After all I am a smart shopper!! To re assure the victory of brands over the affordability you take a small break in the food court and off course better brands attract better food and you settle for one step ahead of the run on the mill bite otherwise! Calories galore, you convince yourself that walking endlessly shop to shop in a mall will knock of the extra kilos.

Fresh energy in the body might result in strategic thinking of shopping in opposite directions but MEN will be men and shopping was never a game they were cut out for. However, the tired and lethargic limbs further switch off the mind and you start floating with the crowd frequently getting snubbed for failing to recommend the best pick to your spouse. After few minutes the head becomes to nod in effortless YES every time she is out o a trial room…you hide your indifference to the best of your abilities but those looks have indicated her well that its time to call it a day with only that much of booty.

On the way back, you get an assurance of getting relieved from such ordeals next time, as a manufacturing defect in all the men and I happen to be the worst of the best in this case. While we both work silently in our minds on the number of credit card swipes we end up with a resolution for not shopping so much for next few years/seasons/days….

The Sale is on!!

Where is my REMOTE ?

Where is my Remote?

Nothing controls your comforts like remote controls these days. Blame it on the increasing spate of micro chips in your house but I can bet there is still at least one remote in your house which you would have knowingly allowed to hide as you now fail to manage so many. Precisely… the problem of plenty!

Men love gadgets and this love breeds further gadgets like “remotes” which obviously empower your fingers to follow your brain but also increase your calorie count.  Initially, we can blame the idiot box to make us try this unearthly pleasure but gradually all the gadget boxes have emulated the art. A living room, perhaps measuring a few square yards is understandably supplemented by couple of these small rectangles to make you smart couch potatoes but the bizarre hits you inside your car where we pay few bucks extra for that luxury in car music systems!

Defying any chances of increasing man’s physical agility we have become silent disciples of this wireless addiction. Watching a favorite movie on a home theatre makes you feel like a roadside cobbler sitting with at least three different colored remotes, each promising to give you an uninterrupted streaming with multiplex sound effects and then your air conditioner also donates one remote, generously for the show.Anyhow, we human beings are solution seekers and in such a scenario identify one member in the family to be the gadget man for such occasions and often our children love doing this. After all, it is an empowerment which matters and also helps the cause of the co audience.

If by this time you have started counting the number of remotes in your houses I am sure you have ignored the omnipresent human remote. It is called the mobile phone and we get goose bumps to imagine a day without it. Call it bigotry, but there is no doubt that we are slaves of this disguised remote. At the same time, it has changed the thought execution speed beyond any geographical confines. World’s most read book, called the “Phonebook” has instant resolution for your untimely quest for pizzas home delivery and the sms have gradually evolved to carry emotions also.

Gentlemen, I don’t want to sound regressive but those corporate honchos enjoying push and pull mails in their handsets are the latest victims to rediscover “Apples” and “Blackberries” in their cubicles. So if I imagine the farsightedness of the great Shakespeare I think he was bingo to predict:” All the world’s a stage and men and women merely players…..”

Now, let me discover some Einstein effect to develop one remote to control everything from a drone missile to country’s GDP, as it is our government and police is remote controlling their duties, this might help them too!! But, first let me switch on the heater to combat this freezing cold and the question is “where the hell is my remote?????”

Newspaper

It lands in the flower pot on your balcony with a thud, creeps inside from under the door or waits patiently for your attention in the garden. The first guest in the house is most welcome and sets you in motion with the world.  It is also one of those things which are more prominent in their absence than their presence in mundane life. BUT, you love to own your copy everyday and feel envy if your neighbor is luckier to get his print the day your vendor goes missing.

What is more profound is the bond this inanimate thing develops with your age. I still remember in my childhood how I kept pondering about the biased and undivided attention with which my father use to scan the newspaper through his reading glasses page by page and then also carried the same to his toilet. Now I can successfully coin a newspaper theorem which says “The quantum of time spent with newspaper is directly proportional to your age”.

Beyond this, it is also blessed with an opportunity to catch you earliest in the morning, when your mind and thoughts are supple and open to all imaginations this story teller throws at you. And then there is an immense dependence which your body is used to enjoy so innocuously, everyday. I think all our senses love to flirt with it in the most explicit manner and then ardent readers can also swear about the chemical reactions it evokes in their bowels with that cup of tea which one likes to savor, smelling the pristine aroma of an unread newspaper.

Ever wondered the minuscule fraction of our daily spends we pay for this priceless affair! I think it is one of the cheapest and valuable buys today. India, as a country would have enjoyed this experiential meditation more collectively had our literacy rate been higher than the west. Never the less it is all in this newspaper only which can generate huge charity funds to help our scam torn government to spread the power of education. All of us, as an individual seek for at least one meaningful act of charity in an year where we think of doing anything beyond planning but fail to drive that plan because life keeps us occupied in ourselves.

So let us allow the idea to spring up in action. Somebody good in mathematics may please calculate the amount of money we can collect for spreading education in this country by simply collecting this newspaper once in a month from all possible households and donating it in the education relief fund of my NGO ( to be starting very soon). We can surely do away with screaming Kabadiwalas for a noble cause and my limited power of summation tells me the money collected from each society will be huge. If all goes well India will have it’s times soon and we would proudly say together “The Time Of India”

Pets and Plants

While zipping through the city streets in Delhi and NCR you are bound to run under colorful bold shop signage promising some exotic pets and plants. Nearly non existent, a few years ago our cramped lifestyle has given new breeding grounds to this business now. I do not blame the shop owners for conceiving such a business idea but sometimes wonder the buying quest of people ranging from rarest of birds, rabbits, mice, fishes and plants…and all this when most of us have left the palatial parental houses and adopted BHK concepts, same as we last remember anybody buying a horse, cow or a buffalo as pets.

Actually if one were to derrive the cost benefit analysis for this kind of purchase, the money which you spend in these shops actually seems to be an investment. In this era which is getting Hot, Flat and Crowded proximity to such a beautiful, no artificial color world ,will only get distant. Moreover, as we have lost Jurassic parks, we may also loose the garden squirrels, butterflies, deers and monkeys as they still don’t have the power of currency to buy their habitat!

In such a shrinking scenario these shops offer a slice from the pristine creativity of GOD in your own house giving you a feeling of meaningful adoption and spreading the supremacy of Spiritual Nature. I am dead against any kind of captivity but sensible and engaged ownership can actually give you new companions. Those, who keep a dog, will vouch for the communication stirred by tail, tongue and nose of the dog. Beyond that, the frequency of emotional rebirth these living souls provoke is unparallel in today’s click and mouse world. What is beyond the scope of expressing in words is the undiluted love and attention they give to the  owner. I know, the pet owners reading this para will like me to touch their personal bonding cords  with their pets  more strongly in words, but I am challenged by my typing skills.

Dressing your dog coat, cleaning your aquarium, watering your plants, treating them with best of food and variety of diets/medicines are perhaps the best stress busters you can find under your own captive resources. Enthusiasts further can join forums on net and participate in competition to strengthen the belief in their respective prowess. I, as a proud pet keeper since childhood have only helped my dogs, fishes and plants to grow, multiply and enjoy a bond which is sacred and confidentional at the same time . My next request to the government would be to allow the endangered species as pets. People only poach and smuggle the speechless. I am sure, qualified and eligible owners can do still better in their farm houses or houses what vast stretches of reserved lands have failed to provide..... Protection and Habitat in few cases off course! Tigers exempted!!

Till the time we have no resolution on this, let our next generation be close to the creatures that were part of our growing up in our grandparent's houses. Plants and Pets….adopt and don’t just buy one!!!

Password

When I heard this word for the first time in my life, in my childhood, off course, never did I realize the hidden importance and chain reaction my life was being lead to in future. It was dad’s suitcase lock which introduced us to this enigmatic world of passwords, a pure play at that time and was only used to challenge the neighbor kids and cousins.

Slowly and subtly as we grew up and technology started being second most important thing in life after matriculation and graduation, life developed early signs of attracting passwords. It was still easy to combat the increasing onslaught of the passwords a few years ago: different email accounts with chat messenger passwords wishfully created to flash the world know my cyber status.

As weapons of mass destruction disappeared in front of federal forces they conspired collectively to give mankind their manifestation in all possible forms . And the menace is growing faster than you can track them,now in your pocket books or fancy notebooks too. Today, my worst fears is not falling from the Mount Everest or airplane window but losing that small diary which is a gateway for every service I avail as a rightful owner of an exclusively. They come in different names and username combos: may be customer ID, T PIN, secret question, answer to the secret question, internet transaction PIN, credit card pin, debit card pin, dish TV ID and the list goes on…

If jotting down these alphanumeric dragons at a single place was an end solution for lifetime then one would have still trapped the bludgeoning identification numbers and passwords you require to prove a single identity but these soft WMDs dessert you if you don’t tinkle them for long, they need to be in touch with you and miss you before you miss them finally! Probably sharing the passwords with all friends might help to rescue the RECALL when needed actually and then you see the intrinsic idea of such complex existence is questionable.

As I was writting this page and took a bio break, I had to toggle hard with my laptop to make him recall the familiarity quotient which suddenly disappeared as my wife just changed the SYSTEM PASWORD!!

So that adds for an extra line of passwords wherever I can write , may be GHAJNI was also right!!